The Productive Outs PRODcast
PRODcast 123: The Year-End Episode

This is it! The last show of 2015. Thanks for hanging out with us this season. Y'all made it fun. And weird. 

(0:00-3:21) The Open

(3:21-7:30) The Musical Guest: LOMA PRIETA. Buy "Self-Portrait" here.

(8:03-25:27) Emails from the Internet's True Heroes

(26:07-1:03:44) The Human Guest: Andy McCullough of the Kansas City Star talks Gordo, Locain, Yost, and indie rock (?) 

(1:04:17-1:19:49) Some baseball things that happened today, who cares

(1:20:30-1:27:25) The final Old School Player of the Week of 2015 is...


Ken Reitz, who was nicknamed “Zamboni” because he scooped up grounders on Busch Stadium’s artificial turf, spent 11 years in the bigs (he gets a MLB pension!) as a third baseman with the Cards (twice), Cubes, Giants and Pirates. In those 11 years, while playing a position dominated by quality offensive player, he hit .260, with an abysmal .290 OBP, and .359 slugging. (That’s a .649 OPS if you’re keeping score at home and aren’t good at maths.) Reitz won a gold glove in 1975, and was an All-Star in 1980 despite posting a -0.7 bWAR that year. WAR was not a friend of Ken’s, as he finished his career with whopping -3.2 wins above replacement.

A #FUNFACT from Wikipedia: Reitz was not known for his base running speed. This is reflected in one dubious Major League record. Reitz holds the record for most career plate appearances (5079) among non-catchers who finished their careers with fewer walks than times he grounded into a double play.

That explains that anemic OBP, I suppose.

Reitz belongs in the DADHAT Hall of Fame, despite evading everyone’s DADHAT radar up to this point. His mustache is pure 70s porn, and his hairdo is best described as a man sitting in a barber’s chair holding a picture of a mushroom and telling his barber, “Make me look like that.”

Direct download: PRODcast_123_-_The_Year-End_Episode.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:57pm PST

PRODcast 122: The Whirled Serious

This is the last show of the actual season, as we'll take next week off to mourn the profound loss of baseball and play some rock shows. Back in 2 weeks though!


(0:00-4:21) The open, where we tell you what's in store and commiserate about our intern situation. 

(4:53-9:15) The musical guest: HEAT DUST. Buy "Heat Dust" here

(9:15-27:49) Emails from Canada’s best inbox-stuffers

(28:25-45:12) The baseball things

  • The World Series is upon us, and the Royals are rolling
  • Ruben Amaro is now … a first base coach?
  • Scott Servais is now an MLB manager but has no experience
  • Bud Black is one again and has lots

(45:45-51:05 ) Musical advice: How do you practice playing the drums when you ain't got no drums?

(51:05-56:34) This week's Old School Player of the Week is:

Lynn Jones


I had to go with a Royals player this week, and while Buddy Biancalana, Steve Balboni or Pete LaCock would have been a better (and more obvious) choice, I decided to go with the lesser-known Lynn Jones. Jones spent eight years in the bigs between 1979 and 1986, and won a ring with the Royals in ‘85 as a 32-year-old extremely shitty outfielder. (He had a 44 OPS+ that season.) In those eight years and almost 1000 ABs, Jones hit seven bombs, drove in 91 runs, slugged .321, and posted a -2.2 bWAR. Looking at his pics, you’d have to think that they kept him around solely because of his 80-grade DADGLASSES. (He might be crosseyed, which would explain a lot.)

After his playing career ended, Jones went on to coach in both the minors and majors, most recently in 2004 & 2005 with the Red Sox (dude’s got two rings!), and is now a coach at his alma mater, Thiel College (which may or may not be a real school).

He also looks like Chris Freeman from Manchester Orchestra, and Thorny from Super Troopers.

Direct download: PRODcast_122_-_The_Whirled_Serious.mp3
Category:sports -- posted at: 7:07pm PST


It's almost the Whirled Serious and we are MURPHING so hard rn. 

(0:00-6:00) The open, where we give you the show rundown and the latest on the OLiver saga. 

(6:35-10:18) The musical guest: CULT LEADER. Buy "Lightless Walk" here

(10:18-21:50) Emails from the Internet’s Best Typists

(22:24-48:33) The human guest: David Roth of Vice Sports

(49:20-1:18:35) The baseball things

  • the TBS pitch tracker is still drunk
  • Broadcast booths and commercials: still awful 
  • Cubes v. Meats 
  • Jays v. Royals 
  • Barry Zito has retired from baseball to become a professional musician
  • Donnie Basebulb is out as Doyers manager

(1:19:07-1:25:31) This week's Old School Player of the Week is:



Rick Sweet, who was taken in the 3rd round of the 1975 MLB draft,  spent three years in the bigs as a catcher for the Padres, Mets and Mariners. In 272 career games, he hit .234 with 6 HR and 57 RBI, a .584 OPS and a 63 OPS, which was good for a -0.1 bWAR. He’s been a minor league manager for many years, most recently as the skipper for the Nashville Sounds in 2014 & 2015 (the AAA affiliate of the Milwaukee Brewers).

The only sweet thing about Rick is that 80-grade pushbroom mustache, a 60-grade coif, and (depending on the photo you’re looking at) 60-70 DADHAT which is most often a SADHAT.

Direct download: PRODcast_121_-_WE_ARE_MURPHING_SO_HARD_RIGHT_NOW.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:25pm PST

PRODcast 120: OH, CANADUH!!!

Can you even after today's Jays-Rangers game? We can't! But we try. Because we must. 

(0:00-7:08) The Open

(7:43-11:00)  The Musical Guest: PIG EYES. Buy their stuff here

(11:00-29:10) The Emails

(29:38-46:18) The Human Guest: Mauricio Rubio of Baseball Prospectus and BPWrigleyville

(46:50-1:02:40) The Baseball Things: 

  • Astros: doomed by a bad 'pen
  • Royals: frustratingly stubborn and good
  • Ragnars: that was one helluvan implosion
  • Jays: our odd friends to the North
  • Doyers: Utley, Kershaw, and Greinke slide into a bar...
  • Mets: ridiculous rotation 
  • Cubes - Schwarber is beasting, actually they’re all beasting, they’re in the NLCS!

(1:02:40-1:08:21) The Old School Player of the Week is:




a suggestion of Erick B - @ebenSF on Twitter, I went with Rafael Ramirez. He has a 60 FRO, 60 CREEPSTACHE, 60-65 DADHAT, a 70 DADLAP, and looks either completely terrified or totally confused in most photos I’ve found of him.

Ramirez spent 13 years in the bigs with the BARVES and Astros primarily as a SS, finished with negative WAR in six of those 13 seasons, and somehow finished 16th in the NL MVP vote after posting a 7 HR, 58 RBI season with a .705 OPS and 2.1 WAR. And he was an All-Star in 1984 even though he finished that season with 2 HR, 48 RBI and a .621 OPS. His Wikipedia page notes that he lead the league in double plays for four straight years (which is great because that’s not a stat that matters at all). He was basically a worse Neifi Perez with better hair and a much more interesting face.

Direct download: PRODcast_120_-_OH_CANADUH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:58pm PST

PRODcast 119: Grievances


(0:00-3:00) The open!

(3:55-13:20) Musical Guest: Kowloon Walled City. Buy "Grievances" here

(13:20-29:00) Emails from the Internet

(29:35-52:00) The Baseballs: Playoffs, Personnel Changes, and Other Sundries

  • The play-in games
  • Sean Rodriguez hates Gatorade
  • Matt Williams and Co. got shitcanned, but LOLyd McCLOLndon hasn’t been shitcanned … yet
  • New GMs in the AL West: Dipoto, Eppler, and Forst
  • Dogders-Mess; Crads-Cubes

 (53:00-1:0:00) Old School Player of the Week:


Not to be confused with the country singer and actor of the same name.

80 Creepstache, 70 Deathgaze, 60 Merm/Mullet, 60 DADHAT (during the Phillies years, it looks like he kept his hat in the trunk of his car or stuffed between the cushions on his sofa)

If you stare into Jerry Reed’s dead eyes for long enough you will begin to feel your soul crater. Early in his career, he had a strong “Creepy Uncle” vibe, but developed a strong 80s cop/extra on the show “CHiPs” look towards the end of it.

Reed pitched in parts of nine seasons with the Phillies, Indians, Mariners and Red Sox from 1981 to 1990, appeared in 238 games (all but 12 in relief), and posted a 20-19 record with a 3.94 ERA, 4.15 FIP and a 1.354 WHIP and 18 saves.

Via Diamond Mines scouting report from 1988, he was described as a journeyman pitcher with mostly average stuff: 5 FB, 5 SL, 5 CH, 4 control. The perfect replacement-level arm.

Direct download: PRODcast_119_-_Grievances.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:05pm PST

PRODcast 118: I Can't SPROTS

Hello! We can no longer SPROTS. Can you too?

(0:00-4:55) The open, featuring our first ever sponsor:!

(4:55-7:05) Musical Guest: Chvrches. Buy Every Open Eye here

(7:45- 24:15) Emails From The Internet

(25:00-52:52) The Baseballs - Playoffs, Unwritten Rules & Stuff

  • Playoff chatter - who’s in, who’s out, who’s got a shot, who doesn’t
  • The AL West is bonkers
  • AL MVP: Trout v. Donaldson - We have another stupid debate coming
  • Papelboner vs. Brace Hyper - fighting is dumb
  • Bud Norris - being a racist is also dumb
  • Dipoto to Seattle

(53:32-1:00:40) Musical Advice From These Guys

  • A burgeoning guitarist asks: How do I guitar? 

Do I go down the route of just getting a guitar and teaching myself via YouTube videos, websites and books or do I get lessons?

(1:00:40-1:06:00) Old School Player of the Week

I found a guy who sucked. Craig Skok.

Craig Skok has an 80 Name, 80 DADHAT, and 60 DADLAP, and is a card-carrying member of the windbreaker-under-the-uniform club. He spent a portion of four seasons in the major leagues as a left-handed reliever with the Red Sox, Rangers and Barves. Craig Skok was not very big, weighing in at 190, but his length appealed to scouts. Craig Skok is hard to accurately describe given his short time in majors. Craig Skok disappeared in 1977, when he was released didn’t play baseball at all. In 150 career innings, he went 4-7 with a 4.86 ERA.  

And his middle name is Richard.

That’s about all we know about Craig Skok.


Direct download: PRODcast_118_-_I_Cant_Even_SPROTS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:48pm PST

PRODcast 117: What A Fool Believes

This week's episode is a short sharp shock to your Matt Harvey-fatigued brain. Get in, get out, get back to work. 


(0:00-5:50) The open, and our musical guest: MICHAEL FREAKING McDONALD

(6:30-24:44) The emails

(25:13-42:48) The baseball things:

  • The Angels and Giants have collapsed, and we as fans are left with nothing
  • The Rangers are rolling, and only a game behind the Astros … how?
  • The Blue Jays are destroying, run diff of ~200 (196), ~100 (88) more RS than any other team
  • NL seems to be pretty much wrapped up - LAD, STL, NYM, PIT, CHC
  • Matt Williams is a bad manager, maybe the worst
  • Cardinals still employing Devil Magic

(42:35-49:27) THe old School Player of the Week Is:



This is the only known photo of Bob and his 70-grade DADHAT, DADGLASSES, STORKNECK, and PORNSTACHE. Bob was a lanky OF who played in 20 games for the Royals in 1980. In 26 career ABs he posted a .308 BA w/ two doubles, a bomb, seven RBI and a stolen base. And that was it. After spending 8 seasons in the minors, he sniffed the bigs for 20 games, played one more season at AAA Omaha in 1981 and hung ‘em up at age 26.

Direct download: PRODcast_117_-_What_a_Fool_Believes.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:20pm PST


Welcome to the almost-all-email edition. If this show sucks, you have only yourselves to blame!

We'll probably take a haitus after this one, as real life is inflicting itself upon us. We hope to be back soon! 

(0:00-3:15) The open

(3:58-7:10) The musical guest: TEMPLES. Buy "Sun Structures" here

(7:10-27:20) Email segment 1

(28:05-57:36) Emails segment 2

(58:10-1:07:47) The baseball things: 

  • Blue Jay never gon' lose agin
  • DiPoto to Red Sawx
  • Iwakuma no-no

(1:08:24-1:21:10) Musical advice

  • Jordan asks how we listen to new albums
  • Tony asks about buying used gear and our feelings about the current state of the Barves

(1:21:10-1:27:20) And the Old School Player of the Week is:


Al Cowens grades out as follows: DADHAT, 70 AFRO, 60 DADLAP, 70 DADGLASSES

Born in Compton, he could pass for Humpty Hump from Digital Underground in a baseball uniform. He looks confused as hell in most photos which is probably due in large part to this …

Cowens was drafted in the 75th round of the 1969 MLB draft, but managed to play 13 seasons in the bigs with the Royals, Angels, Tigers and Mariners as a right fielder. He peaked with the Royals in 1977 at age 25, posting an .885 OPS, w/ 23 HR & 112 RBI, a bWAR of 5.3, a second place finish in the AL MVP voting and a Gold Glove. He never sniffed that kind of production again and died of a heart attack at age 50. Baseball and life are weird things.

via Wikipedia:

A notable feud started between Cowens and Texas Rangers reliever Ed Farmer early in the 1979 season. In the May 8 game at Arlington Stadium, a Farmer pitch thrown in the top of the 5th inning fractured Cowens' jaw and broke several teeth;[1] Cowens would miss 21 games. Farmer also hit Cowens' teammate Frank White in the same game and broke his wrist[2] and caused him to miss 33 contests. The following year, in a game between the Detroit Tigers and the Chicago White Sox at Comiskey Park on June 20‚ 1980‚ Cowens (now a Detroit Tiger) hit an infield grounder against Farmer (pitching for the White Sox). While Farmer watched his infielder make the play, Cowens ran to mound and tackled the pitcher from behind, instead of running to first base; getting in several punches before the benches cleared and the two were separated.[2] Cowens was suspended for 7 games and a warrant was issued for his arrest in Illinois‚ forcing him to skip the remainder of the series. Later Farmer agreed to drop the charges in exchange for a handshake‚ and the 2 players brought out the lineup cards before the game on September 1. However, future appearances for Cowens in Chicago were greeted with a "Coward Cowens" banner.

Related: Ed Farmer seems like a dick.

Direct download: PRODcast_116_-_THE_EMAILS_THE_EMAILS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:32pm PST

PRODcast 115: Blame Canada

We have a wonderful, semi-Canadian-themed episode for you this week! We hope you enjoy it.

(0:00-5:10) The open

(5:48-10:18) The musical guest: CHELSEA WOLFE. Buy "Abyss" here. Stream it here

(10:18-22:13) Generally baseball-themed emails from non-Canadians with bonus Heavy Metal Bands to Jack Off To segment

(22:52-46:18) Our human guest: Drew Fairservice of the Birds All Day podcast, talkin' all things Jays. 

(46:57-1:09:14) The baseball stuff. Mostly trade-related, with some bonus other nonsense. 

  •  Carl O’Sgomez to the Astros
  • Leake to the GAINTS

  • AJ Preller and the Padres don't do nuthin' 
  • Cespedes to the Mets

  • Haren to the #CUBES

  • Parra to the Orioles

  •  CJ Wilson is done, but his teammates don’t believe him, Weaver might be done too

  • The Hiroshima Carp wore denim uniforms because Japan


(1:09:52-1:14:44) This week's Old School Player of the Week is:



70 Merm, 70 DADGLASSES, 30 stache, 60 DORKHAT


Mueller was a brutish 6’4”, 220 lb. reliever who pitched in two seasons for the Milwaukee Brewers (1978 & 1981). In those two seasons, he pitched in six games, logged 14 ⅔ innings, posted a 6.14 ERA and a 1.773 WHIP. He spent 10 years toiling in the minors before hanging up his spectacles after the 1983 season at age 26.

Mueller’s claim to fame is that he played the Duke, a menacing Yankees reliever, in the movie Major League. He’s now the pitching coach at Concordia University of Wisconsin.


Direct download: PRODcast_115_-_Blame_Canada.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:53pm PST


Your favorite player probably got traded this week. 

(0:00-4:30) The open. 

(5:15-7:45) The musical guest: Ryley Walker. Buy "Primrose Green" here

(7:45-17:30) Emails from people named Chris.

(18:15-40:45) Baseball things:

  • Literally everyone was traded today. No on'e uniforms fit, and spelling errors abound. What are we going to do with all these leftover bobbleheads?? 
  • Cueto & Zobrist to the Royals, Kazmir to the Astros, Tulo to the Blooj A’s, Latos & Morse to the Dodgers, Papelboner to the Nats, Hamels to Rangers, Gomez to Mets (OR NOT), LAD/ATL/MIA three-way

(41:17-46:40) Musical advice: If you choose to sit down at a show, have you given up on life? 

(46:40-53:40) This week's Old School Player of the Week is:


I discovered this gem last week and couldn’t resist the urge to flood our Twitter feed with pics and things Mike Proly did. Some of my favorites …

  1. Mike Proly wishes he didn’t have to wear that dumb [White Sox] uniform, amirite?

  2. Mike Proly went a little overboard at the bar last night.

  3. From Drew Fairservice: “Mike Proly drives a Trans Am. Mike Proly is the physical embodiment of despair on on a baseball card.”

  4. Mike Proly locked himself out of his apartment and thinks he proly left the stove on.

  5. Mike Proly thought his girlfriend Crystal was being honest when she said she was quitting stripping so she could go back to school.

  6. Mike Proly thought he’d have more time to work on the 1983 Pontiac Firebird that’s been on blocks in his front yard for 17 years.

  7. Mike Proly wishes he were “anywhere but here” ALL OF THE TIME.

Mike Proly could very easily pass for one of Will Forte’s SNL characters, and he is truly one of the saddest, mouselike humans to ever grace a baseball card. He’s got a 60 DADHAT, a plus plustache, 70 70s hair and 80 chest hair. Proly pitched in the bigs for seven seasons (from 1976 to 1983) with the Cards, White Sox, Phillies and Cubes, primarily as a reliever. He walked 195 batters and struck out 185 in 545 ⅔ innings, and had a career WHIP of 1.330. Proly is quoted extensively in a 1985 article from the Chicago Tribune on spitballs, Vaseline balls and ball-scuffing. Apparently he did all of those things to no avail. He now sells insurance.

Direct download: PRODcast_114_-_HOT_STOVE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:21pm PST